sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
