Apparently you make a good broom.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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