do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
