Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
