Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
