And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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