when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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