So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I am morally bankrupt
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
