I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
