people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
