you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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