one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
