You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
