So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
