I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Of course I have a pirate flag
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
