You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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