Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
