Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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