This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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