I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
