I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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