and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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