At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
