Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
