On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
