Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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