Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
