There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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