I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"