I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
