found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk is not a location!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
