I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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