somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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