I hate all girls vehemently.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
