I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
