yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
