You really coming over, don't trick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
