Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
