a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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