i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
