Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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