guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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