never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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