I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
