I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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