I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
