6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
