Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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