I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk is not a location!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
