Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
