so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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