i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
