my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
