Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
