I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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