I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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