i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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