oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
