Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
