Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
