I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
