Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
