two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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