first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
